this i.o.u's good for one galaxy....

2003-01-08T18:29:00.000-05:00

i cant concentrate on anything except for how much i love all of muh friends. dave, sarah, quinn, stephen, mel....all of you. i love you all so much...never forget that.

2003-01-07T17:28:00.000-05:00

i twas sick today and i didnt go to school. good for me. i still feel slightly sick. but the show must go on. i have to go to school tomorrow cuz i have a test for mr. ludwigs class. i studied. i had a math test today too but i am going to take it maybe like...after school on thursday. i wanna see that movie, darkness falls. it seems like a good movie. but i dont know when its coming out though. i still have yet to see harry potter, lotr:ttt, and lotr:fotr. okay. i'm going to be going now. okay bye

2003-01-06T19:07:00.000-05:00

i love you sarah. i'll always love you...and dont forget....this is just the beginning of forever for us....i just have one request...please dont give someone else our song....

2003-01-04T18:54:00.000-05:00

i hate some people. pfft.

2003-01-04T18:53:00.000-05:00

you know what's really funny? how i'm never allowed to do anything. heh. dave is w/ ashley and beth and anthony. i am going to dinner. hmph. i dont want to. what i want to do is go w/ dave and beth and anthony and ashley.

2003-01-04T13:14:00.000-05:00

i might be hanging out with beth ashley and dave today. but those plans will fall through probably. it would be cool if they happened. whoa ma dad bought me a whole new razor w/ 10 refills. and i only asked him for 5 refills. heh. silly daddy...tricks r 4 kids. hm...i kinda wanna hang out with waffoolz today actually. just randomly. that would be super cool if we went to south street. heh. *tip of the day: fairy tales never come true* heh. mmhm. so dont think that something is perfect....cuz it never ever is. PFFFT!

2003-01-03T23:00:00.000-05:00

what a bad day (until i conducted) and now its bad again. school was slow. very slow. and after school. i was after school w/ sarah and this kid mike and he kept puttin my arm on his chest while he laid on the floor and sarah got mad and didnt talk to me. and then i found out something that is happening...and someone promised they wouldnt do it. and did it anyway....i am used to it though. o freaking well. i got screwed again. oh well. i got to conduct. that made me feel a little better cuz i did pretty good (according to other people). thats all. i dont really feel like writing a cause de my depressed mood

2003-01-03T17:35:00.000-05:00

the song of the moment is i hate myself and want to die. i really do. and if u dont know what is wrong w/ me, you dont freaking need to so dont ask cuz it is none of your buisness. i got screwed...really really really bad. how could i be so stupid as to put all my trust and love into one person...i knew that it would turn out bad...i knew it

2003-01-01T15:19:00.000-05:00

im kinda not in a good mood. my tummy hurts :(. there is a lot of stuff bothering me that i need to get out....haha. that didnt sound right following "my tummy hurts". lol. i mean there is things on my mind that i need to get off....so...i will....

2003-01-01T04:29:00.000-05:00

Wow...its pretty late. hm. I think I'll go to bed soon. Hey...its 2003...woop woop...graduating in 2 years! Erm...yeah...the party...it was pretty fun. Except for at the beginning, I was thinking alot and not doing any socializing. So then at around 11 or so...I started talking to a girl named Ashley. Ashley is amazing...seriously....she is. I sat on a lot of people...well I got pushed actually. I "sat" on Ashley, Rachel, Beth (!!!), Dave, Alex, Kate and Anthony. This is a major stretch for me...7 people in one night. And I hugged tons of people. All those people and Amy Smith (ha!) and Jen Pondo. Heh. Tonight was great. But, right now Chris is starting to bother me by continually asking me to go to the movies w/ him. I am about to give in and just go...and I'm still on the phone, about to get off...about to go to bed....soooo tired....*falls asleep at computer*

2002-12-31T18:25:00.000-05:00

Weirdo!

Find out what anime girl you are.

Super Teen Extrodinaire

Take the Cartoon Hero Quiz?.

2002-12-26T13:24:00.000-05:00

PixiTrix13: bye bye. i love you brian!
ObsessiveBigfoot: I love you too!

2002-12-25T13:20:00.000-05:00

i love everyone! especially CAMILLE!

ThisIsBoland: I LOVE YOU TOO
buckleberry2: i love you too!
LOTRBabe: i love u more than dan and heather love u!

i am loved back :)

2002-12-24T18:22:00.000-05:00

2002-12-23T20:55:00.000-05:00

See what Rugrat you are.

2002-12-21T11:53:00.000-05:00

someone please shoot me now. in the head. i am such a screw up. and i always will be. i can never do anything right. i just basically lost the one person who means the most to me...please....just kill me now.

2002-12-20T14:58:00.000-05:00

Sarah!!! I'm updating my blog! *coughblogcough*...*ahem* 'scuse me. anyways...the feastival was last sunday night. it was AMAZING first, i got a ride to mels house and david was already there. mel and dave were shooting pool in the basement. so i watched tv. and then sarah showed up. and dave, sarah and mel were lying on the couch. and i was shooting pool. and then sarahs watch broke and we were looking for the missing part. and then i was sitting by the fire cuz i got randomly depressed. and kinda sleepy. so we had to wait for the eagles game to finish to go cuz mels dad was taking us. hm....and on the way to the F.U. Center, i sat next to dave in the suburban and i fell asleep on him. and then when we got there i was really hyper. and then we went to our seats (which sucked) and we were sitting there and seether was playing. we stayed for most of that set. then we decided that we wanted to sneak down into the pit. that was UNsuccessful. they were checking wrist bands. so we went to another section in the first level but someone was sitting there and we had to move out. the next band to play was queens of the stone age...i think we might have seen them a LITTLE bit. i dont remember. the third band to play was Newfound Glory, during which dave went to the bar to smoke. then came Zwan. and all four of us went to the Y100 booth. that is where tehe crowd was at. by this time we were all extremely hyper. i scored sarah a y100 poster. :) that made me happy. i dont know why though. that whole dealio was just bout getting free stuff. then we went back for good charlotte. and me and sarah stayed for LESS than one song and we went to the bathroom. we decided that we didnt want to go back yet and we just ran around (literally) humping walls, pillars, and trashcans, and eventually eachother. all good fun. and then we went to the y100 booth again and we were basically the only ones there and we got free bandanas and got them signed too (by ben harvey). then we went to get some food. then we went back downstairs looking for shirts then we went to the y100 booth again cuz i spotted dave and mel there. so we went there and crowded again. that was fun. then we found out that coldplay was going on and we went there. it was touching...that is all ill say, for dave's sake. i loved every second of it...but i am not done. we were hyper on the way home. everyone was cuddling. we dropped david off. then we went to mels house cuz me and sarah we sleeping over there. and we got food and changed and played flute (at 1:30 am). then we looked at pictures and yearbooks. then mel went to the cot. and me and sarah and me got mels bed. (it was like 3 am now). mel fell asleep at 3, i fell asleep at 3:30, and sarah fell asleep at 4. then the next thing i know, the alarm goes off. at 5:45 am. and i could turn it off! i ended up changing the station. so then the cat (im afraid of cats) came in and i woke up. it left and i fell back asleep. then the dog came in and made me comfy in the bed. i woke up at 6:30 and hadda scramble for the bus at 6:45. lol and it was raining. i realized that the lyrics for i.o.u.one galaxy .....and that night...lemme show u...."the stars are out tonight and you're the brightest one shining in my sky. its like every wish i ever made came true. the day i woke up lying next to you..." and it happened. and i started to cry. cuz i have anything i every wanted...EVERYTHING actually. i saw herb today and he kissed me. more to come...

2002-12-12T22:50:00.000-05:00

What Psych-Ward do you belong to?

2002-12-12T22:22:00.000-05:00

You are G.I.R! Your duties are to assist your Irken lord Zim in his mission of doom, to find your next taco and to watch The Scary Monkey Show.

That horrible monkey...

This was your favourite test.

Take The Mighty Invader Zim Test!

2002-12-10T00:56:00.000-05:00

yeah...so today was a pretty darn bad day...i kept getting in trouble in band...then that had me mad...then i had a biology test and like...i dont know...i know i failed it though...too baD I DIDnt know anything on the test...mr ludwigs class always seems to drag itself out. then like...lunch was lunch...everyone seemed to be being very sarcastic...language arts always sucks....and so does french...math....bleh. i hate math. i dont like to listen in that class. gym was okay cuz i just sat in the nurses office the whole time and talked about diabetes and my family's medical history. after school is when i really ran into a brick wall. i said something really really fricken stupid to someone when that someone did something to someone else and both of those someones took me seriously...the someone who happens to mean more to me than anyone or anything else in the world....looked at me like i was an idiot....then i went to band for HELP WITH MY PART and mr. snyder said hi to everyone else but me and decided to completely disregard me. that didnt hurt too bad...cuz there was some comic relief in the band room. but then after i left band....i just wanted to shoot myself...screw cutting, my hand was reaching for the gun. i left with sarah and david. i already thought sarah was mad at me for the stupid thing that i said earlier in the afternoon. and i thought that she thought that i was an idiot...so i refrained from talking to her....but me, her, and david were sitting (laying?) in the doorway/staircase and i just started to cry. of course i didnt want dave and sarah to know i was crying, so i stuck my head inside my sweatshirt. i dont know why i started to cry...but i did. i think that it was because sarah was "mad at me". so when i stopped crying, we were in miss abelsons room. and i was laying on the counter and i just started randomly crying again. so i went to the bathroom to regain my composure. but when i came back, it was ultraobvious that i had been crying cuz i looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom and my WHOLE face was red. how ironic. but then i was just laying there tearing on and off. and then miss abelson left TO GO TO KENTACOHUT (taco hell?). so me and sarah and david went to madame riviere's room to get the recipe for the crepes. cuz me and sarah are in the food group thing in the french fun day on saturday morning. so we actually stayed there for a while...much to my dismay. but still....that is when it got established that sarah was not mad at me. so i moved next to her and we were talking. so we had like 5 minutes to talk and like....that definately wasnt enough. then me and dave were walking sarah to the door and he stopped to talk to derek, mike, brian, and steph. so it was me and sarah again. we talked on the bench and like...i dont know.....like.....nothing else really....then david came out of the roomy thingy and then sarahs mom...or dad came and me and dave went back inside....when we were passing through, mike said that he wanted me to stay w/ him in the glass room so i told him that i would get my stuff...this made me kinda happy...cuz mike makes me happy sometimes. then um....i guess i kinda forgot. me and dave went back to madame rivieres room and stayed there for like 5 minutes. then i decided that i wanted to do something that i am not supposed to be doing but i really dont care. so i did it. and then aaron called and me and dave met him at the car. and then we went to tell derek that dave was gettin a ride. then we went to the mall really fast to go get something. then we drove david home. then me and aaron went home. of course as soon as i get into my room good...everyone decided that they wanted to congregate in my room so i didnt have any privicy. i was tempted to do the "bad thing" again soon after my "parents left" to go to apollos. but i soon found out that my mother was still home. i also found out that china inn shut down. what am i supposed to do now? i love chinese food. so yeah. that was my day in a nutshell. i refrained from cutting myself today. if tomorrow goes this horribly, i dont know if i will be able to resist the shiny metal blade, piercing my skin, forcing blood out of the fresh wound...just to break it down for you graphically. i guess i'll go to bed. its pretty lat and stuff. goodnight. sarah, i am sorry that you feel like "seconds" for everything. i think you are probably talking about me. you are not hurting my feelings. but i wanted to let you know that you will never be seconds in line for me... *TIP OF THE DAY: DONT GO TO CHINA INN ON BALTIMORE PIKE, IT SHUT DOWN*

2002-12-09T00:34:00.000-05:00

i forgot the tip of the day...*TIP OF THE DAY: BRUSH YO TEEF FOO'*

2002-12-09T00:32:00.000-05:00

once again, i am beat to the maxx. i really didnt do anything today except for a little homework and write a new cadence. i dunno. hardly talked to sarah. hardly talked to dave...hardly talked to anyone else except for cheryl. hardly got to sleep in. so i s'pose today was hardly a good day. i guess i will sleep now. okay. goodnight.

2002-12-08T02:03:00.000-05:00

short update. i am beat. i went to the Laramie Project tonight with sarah and brian. it was extremely sad. soo. yeah. it just was. *yawn* i got almost absolutely nothing done today. i just washed some clothes and cleaned the bathroom. and speaking of bathroom, at the play (at episcopal academy)....me and sarah went to the bathroom at intermission (15 minutes) and the line was soooo long that they started accepting women in the mens bathroom. what they accepters didnt know was that me and sarah were already contemplating whether or not to pose as men and just walk in...but we ended up just using the womens bathroom...after all, we WERE next in line and everything. well david if you are reading this, i am sorry that i missed all ur calls. i had my ringer off. even when i WAS at home. i was sitting right by my cell at 11:30...but obviously there was no ringer so i couldnt answer to the phone. everyone read heather's blog (http://freezepop.blogspot.com) it is just so good that i thought that i would enlighten you all...she is probably the master of html if i've ever seen one. and i have.....and it is her. so there. booyah. u cant beat that, can you? haha. okay. well i think that i am going to hit the .....hay...no wait...its 2002, i forgot...i meant to say "hit the matress". okay. gooooooodnight. *TIP OF THE DAY: GO INTO THE MENS BATHROOM IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO*

2002-12-06T15:54:00.000-05:00

woo hoo for writing in the blog while in shea's room after school at 3:32. okay. well today was an ALRIGHT day. i got NO sarah hugs at all really....cause at lunch, jess singer was there and i didnt get a hug...or a bye....or anything else. so i was slightly upset about that. but everything else was good. like....i got a lot of nicki hugs.....and that ......kinda.......made up......for my lack of....um.....sarah. *tear*. but sarah...dont feel bad. its ok. anyways...i got stuff today and i am excited about it. so dave is here and we are...ahem.....HYPER. and like...i dont know. i had to ride the bus to school today. possible band at the basketball game tonight. sorry lesli. i cant come over tonight. if you are reading this. yeah. ok. um. like. i guess i'll type in my poem/song that i wrote....it is kinda a song...so nicki if you have any input please. so i guess i will write my poem now:

Hold Me

Can you hold me when I'm down
My head rests in you lap?
Do you think you could silence my cries
As I lay there and I nap?

I offer you my soul
Exchanged for love with no remorse
Cause I believe we're pulled together, somehow
But no one knows the source

I wish that I could offer you
More than my heart and soul
I wish I could offer my life
To you in a crystal bowl

Your presence here completes me
I love you very much
I shudder when I hear your voice
And I long for your touch

So hold me in your arms right now
Just like I'd do for you
I only need your magic touch
And I will make it through

Ok...if it sucks...dont tell me.

2002-12-05T21:36:00.000-05:00

today was a good day...then after a while...it hit me...I AM ABOUT TO GO CRAZY...SOMEONE PUT ME ON PROZAC B4 I COMMIT A HOMOCIDE. i just keep repeating to myself to breathe and everything will be alright. but it is not working. dont doubt me on continuing to cut either...i have the razor on me at all times. just ask me tomorrow to see my left forearm....WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU FIND! smoke some pot or cut some flesh....YOU TAKE YOUR PICK

2002-12-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

breathe.breathe.breathe.breathe.calm down.calm down.no cutting.cutting's bad. breathe......

2002-12-05T09:07:00.000-05:00

OI! SNOW DAY! I WANT TO MAKE A SNOW MAN! WOOHOO! NO SCHOOL! WHITE SNOW! WOOHOO! WOOHOO TIMES TWO! OKAY. FUNNY CONVO:

buckleberry2: I AM GONG TO SAVE SOME SNOW IN MY FREEZER
PixiTrix13: and sprinkle it on the ground
PixiTrix13: lol
buckleberry2: YES
buckleberry2: at the school and i'll be like OH NO! ITS SNOWING WE HAVE TO LEAVE
PixiTrix13: hahahaa. then we all leave
PixiTrix13: no...u haveta sprinkle it inside on mr. sebastians desk
buckleberry2: HAHAH! YES!!!!!!!
PixiTrix13: hahahha
buckleberry2: he will be like what (pause) is this.
PixiTrix13: hahaha
PixiTrix13: then hell make an announcement :
buckleberry2: HAHAAH
PixiTrix13: "we...are now........in a ..... (pause)......lockdown......it seems to be( very long pause)..........................snowing"
buckleberry2: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES
buckleberry2: I FELT SO BAD BECAUSE I MADE MY WHOLE CLASS LAUGH AND MY TEACHER YELLED AT ME. i was like yeah by teh time he is done telling us that tehre's a lock down, we'll all be DEAD
PixiTrix13: HAHAHAHAHAHA
PixiTrix13: julie miller was in my class (study hall) but she was in the hall at her locker and my teacher was like, "OH ((censored word for the blog. it starts w/ an S))!". but then i was like....if she comes back, dont let her in...i'll bet that she IS the terrorist.
buckleberry2: HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PixiTrix13: hahaha
buckleberry2: taht's good stuff. GOOD STUFF I SAY
PixiTrix13: but the funny part is...she came back...and like......no one let her in
buckleberry2: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PixiTrix13: so she went to a different foom
PixiTrix13: *room
buckleberry2: HAHAHAHA!!! did she like call your class and say that she went to another room
PixiTrix13: no
buckleberry2: oh
PixiTrix13: my teacher flipped out and started cursing like mad crazy
PixiTrix13: b4 julie came back at the end of the period
buckleberry2: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS AWESOME i would have lauged.
PixiTrix13: i was....then she proceeded to tiptoe to the door and look for mr. clark's extension. she was like...."if i dont tiptoe, osama bin laden will shoot my @$$ thru the window."
PixiTrix13: its hillarious cuz my teacher HAS to be at least 55
buckleberry2: LOL! OH MY GOD
buckleberry2: THAT IS INSANE HAHAHAHAH
PixiTrix13: she's all like...grandmotherly too. hahaha
buckleberry2: ew ew. that's scaaaaaaary
buckleberry2: does she wear granny shoES!!?
PixiTrix13: she wears white sneakers w/ like....dresses
PixiTrix13: and shes all chubby w/ curly hair and glasses
buckleberry2: LOL! EW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PixiTrix13: just like mrs clause
buckleberry2: HAHAHAHA!
buckleberry2: what a picture
PixiTrix13: front page headline: mrs. clause curses her brains out just because of one 10th grader missing during a lockdown.....arrested for being un-clause-like
buckleberry2: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-12-04T20:50:00.000-05:00

hm. i have noticed that i have been listening to contrasted music. its funny cuz i go from mad caddies to stevie wonder. and that is very strange. oh i forgot to tell my horrid story from yesterday. okay. yesterday at track, i was in the weight room and i was bench pressing...something like...65 pounds or something. and i was done and putting the bar back up on the bar holder. and on one side, the bar missed the bar holder and the bar fell right on my face. it hurt soooooo bad. i swear to god i would have cried if amanda and conor werent there. now my whole face just flat out hurts. so tonight after dinner, my brother came up and subconsciencely burped. and then he started immediately talking to me. if anyone has ever smelled aarons burp, i was dying. and i was like, get away from me. and he got mad. and he is now not talking to me. grrrr. the feastival (smokeabowl) is in what....10 days now? exciting? yes. it is. eugh, i have to change my buddy icon. cuz there are no longer leaves on the ground...or anywhere else for that matter. so it cant be jumping in leaves right now. ehhhhh! does someone want to give me a back massage? i need one. my back...my aching back. so i decided that i might stop running track till after i get a therapist. cuz all of the everyday afterschool deal is just adding to my stress...causing me to....cut and stuff. so like...i think that i should have one by outdoor track. so i think that i might just do outdoor. i am still going to run and stuff, and weightlift, to stay in shape, but i cant deal with not getting home right now until 6. cuz that means that i eat dinner and do homework and sometimes dishes. and i dont get to bed till like 12, 1, or 2. well...i kinda am a slacker too. but i am still stressed here!!!! depressed, stressed, you know the deal. and if you dont know whats up with that, you dont need to be reading my blog. so stop. just joking. okay. i think that i am goin to stop writing now. goodbye. i might write later.

2002-12-04T19:55:00.000-05:00

as i sit here, on my bed, i start to assess (sp?) my life and i decide that i am happy with everything that i have and/or dont have. i am content with simply living, all because of the mere existance of my soul mate. my love. my life.

ANYWAYS....i had a pretty good day. i went to the GSU meeting. that really is what made my day a little bit happier. when i go to that, it just kinda makes me happy (no pun intended). then i got to hang out with dave, sarah, and mitch for like an hour. then dave and mitch left and it was just me and sarah (and ms. abelson). it should go without saying that that was a highlight of my day. i have to eat dinner. i will finish this later.

2002-12-03T23:24:00.000-05:00

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was
my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished
she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After
class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the
day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on
the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be
just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on
and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over
because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the
sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one
Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell
her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her
but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year

The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said;
he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made
a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as
"best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was
standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and
stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't
think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time,
thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to
know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.

Graduation Day

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was
graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on
stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me
like that, and I knew it. Before everyone
went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her.
Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend
thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to
know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I
watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another
man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew
it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She
said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to
know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.

Funeral

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best
friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high
school years. This is what it read:
I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and
I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be
just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish
he would tell me he loved me!
I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried.

was that not the most beautiful thingy you have ever seen? i liked it. thanks dave for sending me such an email. Oh Gee! i am watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas on my computer. i downloaded it today. okay so heres the sypnosis. when i got home from track, i talked for about a half an hour to people, then i went to sleep. and i forgot to wake up and eat dinnner. so when i woke up at 10, i had marshmallows and soda. I LOVE MARSHMALLOWS!!!!!!!! track was brutal today. i think i broke my shoulder doing squats. reps reps reps....blah blah blah. okay. well i am going to go now and do nothing.....i am talking to dave....ill probably watch the grinch again. meh. sarah, i know ur reading this...we should talk on the phone. :) *grins very widely*

TIP OF THE DAY: *DONT SIGN UP TO MAKE CREPES, IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT A CREPE IS*
TIP OF THE DAY #2: *WEAR LONG SLEEVES*

2002-12-03T00:06:00.000-05:00

THERE IS 12 DAYS LEFT TILL THE SMOKEABOWL (HAHAHAHA) NOW. JUST AN UPDATE! GOODNIGHT. AND I LOVED THE HUGFEST TODAY.

2002-12-02T23:57:00.000-05:00

Wow...am I listening to DMX? And enjoying it? OH NO! I Must stop. okay. enough the whole like...capital letter dealio. i dont know what to say. sarah DEMANDED that i update. thank you sarah, i loveth thee. and conor was all like...y r u sad. so from now on, i am not writing anything in here that i dont want other people to know. i didnt think people read this. WELL IF YOU HAVE THE TIME TO READ THIS, THEN Y DONT U TAKE THE TIME TO SIGN MY SUBPROFILE GUESTBOOK? yeah i called that one. what what. *poke* okay. i am alright. allllright. i am going to the feastival in 13 days. and so is conor.

bad case of broken heart- the ataris

today I'm missing something
in this small new england town.
here's to you my best friend.
just wanted to say that I miss
having you around.

I'm staring at your picture
and dreaming that I could hold your hand.
we'd walk down to the ocean
and I would write your name in the sand.

they say sometimes you need some time apart
but I've got a bad case of broken heart.
and you're the only one who's got the cure.
and I can't live another day without seeing you smile.

2000 miles between us and I guess that I'm the one to blame.
relationships and heartaches,
these two things are one and the same.

the radio plays a love song.
I smash my fist right through the dial.
here's to the broken hearted.
a generation born in denial.

i'd like to end my saying a quote: *dont ever sit on an automatic sink...cuz it will splatter on and off all over you!*

2002-12-01T01:13:00.000-05:00

yes...so i am like the most screwed up person on this earth. i cut myself today. i am sick of my whole life. the worst thing that ever happened to me was being born. i think that the worst thing that came to this world was me. i just want to be myself. i cant though. and quinn, she's gone. i have never realized how much of an impact she had on me, until she told me she was leaving. i actually started to cry. which is .... un-me. i wish that if i killed myself, it wouldnt hurt and i wouldnt go to hell.....*sighs and hangs head down in shame....*

2002-11-24T23:52:00.000-05:00

I am so in love with everyone important in my life right now. Namely Dave and Sarah. I love them both so much. I cant even like...put it into words. I don't even wanna think about not having them in my life. And I really dont care if people dont like them. I am going to the soph hop and jr. prom and the sr. prom with Dave and I DONT care what anyone says about it. Geez, I am soooo hot! TIP OF THE DAY: WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE OR SOMEONES THAT NO ONE ELSE DOES, DONT BE ASHAMED OF IT!!!!!

2002-11-19T22:13:00.000-05:00

i have sooo much to say. i had an emotional breakdown last night. and i like....didnt go to school today. and like...i um...cried. yeah. so anyways. i am good now for the meantime. i have to go to a shrink though. ugh. i went shopping. my dad must really feel bad for me cuz he got me a 350.00 leather coat. and chuck taylors. and spandex. and shoelaces. and socks. that is majorly crazy. i am tired. sorry sarah...i cant write much.....my eyebrow itches. Tip of the Day: dont cry in from of your parents cuz you will be going to a shrink soon

2002-11-16T17:01:00.000-05:00

*brrrrrrrrr* someone please warm me up. i just got home from a lehigh college football game and i am sooooo cold. lehigh is like in the mountains and it was 36 degrees. it was raining and it was windy. i feel very badly for brian. cuz i know that he is up there right now for something or other. i almost fell on the way back to the car in the mud b4 you get to the parking lot. i know that sucks, doesnt it. now i am just writing so that i can say that i updated. i am going to take a nap (hence the away message--if u have my sn). if you are david or sarah or anyone else for that matter. im me and i will hear the noise and im you back...wake up and stuff. *note to dave* i am 99.9% sure that i can go to the feastival. so call me about goin to get the tickets tomorrow. my mom said that it is okay and she told my dad that she said yes. okay. got to go. Goodnight? no wait...good evening...or day....goodnap. yeah thats it....good nap. *tip of the day: DONT SLIP IN THE MUD...YOU WILL GET ALL MUDDY*

2002-11-16T00:03:00.000-05:00

*sigh*. what is one to do when a loved one is at home depressed and there is nothing that you can do about it? that really brought my night down. i wish i could be there, but i cant. not telling what will happen between now and tomorrow when we're together. sometimes i really am scared for my loved one. i know that the certain someone has a history of depression. but i cant do anything to help. it just makes me wanna cut myself. i think i will. seriously. i am literally going to cry in two seconds. i love this person so much and i cant do anything to help. i wish the person would call me. *tear*. here is a poem that i wrote for the person and forgot to give it to them today:

come true
Now that we're together
i love you twice as much
thats twice the urges everyday
that i yearn for your touch
i smile just to think of you
i cry when youre not there
cant wait to feel the softness
with my fingers in your hair
dont you know how much i love you?
i will all my life long
i cant believe you gave me faults
when nothings even wrong
i was so happy when you asked
i didnt know what to do
except for thank the shining star
for making my wish come true

that poem is for the love of my life. you know who you are. i will love you forever and i want to be with you for the rest of my life. please dont do anything ever to hurt yourself, cuz now i will kill myself twice as bad. i love you. *hugs and kisses*

on a brighter tip...oh wait...there is no brighter tip. dave came over today. and we had fun. that is really about it. i heard that the jv show was great. i am goin to call dave now cuz it is midnight and it is time for a call soon. i really need some coffee. i think ill have some b4 the call. *yawn* i have to wake up early tomorrow. very very early. for lehigh. okay. goodnight all. I LOVE YOU, MY LOVE.

2002-11-14T23:36:00.000-05:00

Yellow Card
October Nights

Warm October nights
You came and cuddled next to me
Our noses brushed so close
I wished it was our souls
Drifting off to sleep
I could hear the little snores you made
watching eyes shut tight
Like doors to something sweeter where you rest

Tear me off a piece of blanket
keep me warm and we can make it
Here's my heart, I'll let you break it
Touched your skin and I can't take it

Light will creep in soon
And I still haven't slept a wink
I wish the sun would hide its head
So I could watch you dream some more
I wanna watch you dream some more

I wanna watch you dream some more
I wanna watch you dream some more girl
I wanna watch you

I got those lyrics from brian and he yelled at me for having lauryn hill lyrics in my blog. i dont blame him. *tear* ok so here are the new ones. for my wifey...no seriously. my WIFEY!

2002-11-14T21:18:00.000-05:00

Oh my god. i am int the best of moods right now! something just happened to me that i have been wanting to happen for a few weeks. and my dream had come true! This is my song that describes what i am feeling right now...dedicated to that certain someone: Lauryn Hill
Can't Take My Eyes Off You

[CHORUS 1]
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off of you.
You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna
hold you so much. At long last love has
arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're
just too good to be true. Can't take my
eyes off of you.
Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing
else to compare. The sight of you leaves me
weak. There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel. Please let me know
that it's real. You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off of you.
[CHORUS 2]
I need you baby, if it's quite all right,
I love you baby, you warm a lonely night. I love
you baby. Trust in me when I say It's OK: Oh pretty
baby, don't let me down I pray. Oh pretty
baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me
love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....
Repeat Chorus 1
[To fade]
I need you baby, and if it's quite all right,
I love you baby, you warm a lonely night. I love
you baby. Trust in me when I say: It's OK Oh pretty
baby, don't let me down I pray. Oh pretty
baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me
love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....
I need you baby, and if it's quite all right,
I love you baby, you warm a lonely night. I love
you baby. Trust in me when I say: It's OK Oh pretty
baby, don't let me down I pray. Oh pretty
baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me
love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....

ok, so recently i havent been listening to that kinda music, but its perfect for the situation! brian, i just wanted to thank you for being there when i need to talk, even though we havent been friends for a long time. and sarah, i loveth thee. david, you are my life saver and stuff. my skittles, and you are my FAVORITE person in the world to talk on the phone with until 12:30 am. lol. i dont know y i just did that. i really am feeling giddy. giddy? did i just say that? hahaha. i am not writing a long entry cuz i have to finish this up so i will talk to you all later. i love you all. if you were wondering, my email address is PixiTrix13@netscape.net, and my aim sn is PixiTrix13. so talk to me! Over and out!

2002-11-13T00:43:00.000-05:00

holy freaking crap! i just deleted everything i just wrote except for ------->(...."LETS HAVE PARSNIP SOUP!"). i had written alot too. sheiza! okay. i guess i'll just write everything over. i started by saying that reading heather's blog makes me realize how much i actually love band. i downloaded my freshman year's show music. i didnt do my english hmwk cuz i was too busy reading heather's blog. nothing matters cuz i have all my favorite band people in concert band AKA HEATHER, BRIAN, CAITLIN and other people but these people were the first ones that came to my head. then i said something like: i am not gonna worry bout jr. DM cuz if i dont get it then it is no biggie, it is only band...right? EXACTLY! WHICH IS WHY I ABSOLUTELY NEED IT! yeah so then i was saying that nothing mattered except for that, "EVERYTHING IN BAND WAS CRAZY GO NUTS". and i said that i was really sore from track today. we went to the weight room. i know i forgot some stuff cuz i used a lot of detail b4 and now i didnt. my brother actually got mad at me today cuz i was "wearing too much makeup" i was like grrrrrr. maybe i was. was i? ok well i dont really care. OH! i also said in my previous deleted entry that i want to thank brian for my lovingness of ska music. and i wanna thank heather/brian for the name of the band aquabats cuz i love them. i really do. i really only need to skank now. and i will be an official skanker. right now i am only a half skanker. ahhh. i am trying to go to the feastival. my parents are just being poopheads though. i really really wanna go. like....the tickets on sale nov. 15 and i need to get some $38. yo does someone wanna teach me how to play another instrument? i either wanna play flute, clarinet (i know how to play it a little), or something like that. PICCOLO! yeah! i can read music and stuff...kinda...but like...i just want to be able to play another instrument besides drums. i wanna be able to make music too...not just beats. i think that i am gonna put part of a convo in here to end it. or...maybe like 2 convos. then i am goin to bed. cuz i am reallllly tired!

PixiTrix13: i got gloves today
ZoNk BeAnS: for..?
PixiTrix13: i dont know....they were cool...so...i got them and i am wearing them to school tomorrow
ZoNk BeAnS: ok..you do that..hehheh
ZoNk BeAnS: and ill .. um .. find some clean clothes
ZoNk BeAnS: ...
PixiTrix13: o i will.
ZoNk BeAnS: which i dont have any.. hehheh
PixiTrix13: hahahahaha. that is no good
PixiTrix13: clean clothes are always good to have
ZoNk BeAnS: nope
ZoNk BeAnS: yea they are
-------------------------------------------
PixiTrix13: dirty pants are cool. clean clothes are soooo played out
ZoNk BeAnS: yea .. the grunge look is soo in dude
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ObsessiveBigfoot: i'mgonnatalkwithoutspacesforabituntilIdecidetogotobed
ObsessiveBigfoot: it'squitehard
PixiTrix13: wow. that is sooooo hard to read
PixiTrix13: doesnt ur thumb get anxious?
ObsessiveBigfoot: :-D
PixiTrix13: lol
ObsessiveBigfoot: let'sjustsay,mythumbsarecrazygonutswithoutpressingthespacekey
ObsessiveBigfoot: owch I don't think I can keep doing that
PixiTrix13: CRAZY GO NUTS!!!!!!
ObsessiveBigfoot: :-D!!!!
ObsessiveBigfoot: I love that so much
PixiTrix13: me too!
ObsessiveBigfoot: I'm going to say that in everyday conversations now
PixiTrix13: my name is coach-z. pronounced w/ an oach-z
ObsessiveBigfoot: lol
PixiTrix13: thats awesome. hahahaha. just be like..."in band, everyone was going crazy go nuts"
ObsessiveBigfoot: :-D!!!
ObsessiveBigfoot: yes!
PixiTrix13: hahaha
---------------------------------------------
GOODNIGHT ALL. YOU ALL ARE THE BEST! OKAY. GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD....NIGHT.

2002-11-12T00:19:00.000-05:00

Okay. So it is extremely late. I just wanted to put something on here before i went to bed. I just got off the phone. *yawn* sooo sleepy.....ok well here is the convo i am putting on. the names are censored...heather i think u know y. (HAHA!)

PixiTrix13: omg i cant wait till i'm a senior...cuz:
PixiTrix13: after the games i can take people out and we can go to friendly's/ tom jones to eat and chill and stuff! like ur grade...not mine.....i dont really like anyone in my grade
buckleberry2: LOL! that's awesome
buckleberry2: tom jones! friendly's! i walk there
PixiTrix13: like...u, caitlin, jen, uh....and other people too
buckleberry2: aw yeah!
PixiTrix13: lol. i dont know...who else would be good to take....camille
buckleberry2: camille! haha yeah
buckleberry2: we should take richard, but tie him to a rope drag him behind the car.
PixiTrix13: hahahaha! that is hillarious! we should!
PixiTrix13: i am literally laughing out loud
buckleberry2: LOL! but it would be amazing because nobody likes richard, and people would pay us to do taht
PixiTrix13: we could be rich....we must put that into consideration
buckleberry2: HAHA! yes.
PixiTrix13: and darwin too
PixiTrix13: darwin and richard
buckleberry2: YES!!! omg we could go to tom jones so many times! HAHA
PixiTrix13: if we charge people to see us drag them from behind, we wont have to pay for our food
buckleberry2: LOL! people will just give us food because we'll be doing such a good deed.
PixiTrix13: omg...what if we did that...and they died
buckleberry2: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
buckleberry2: i wouldn't really care...
buckleberry2: i'm seriously cracking up HAHA
PixiTrix13: so am i
PixiTrix13: i like cant breath. lol
PixiTrix13: i could imagine them screaming and us rolling up the windows
buckleberry2: LOL! i can see them like all bloody and dead ... and tangled in rope missing a leg that's halfway back down 352
buckleberry2: HAHAH!!!!!!!!!
PixiTrix13: OMG! hahahahaha! i would have to take a picture
buckleberry2: HAHAHAH!!!!!! earn money for the band by framing it and selling it
PixiTrix13: and put it on the morning announcements
buckleberry2: HAHA! YEAH!
buckleberry2: that would be too good
PixiTrix13: i just have one question
buckleberry2: different angle shots... ya know some close ups and then some from far away.. then one of that extra leg
buckleberry2: hm?
PixiTrix13: do you know how to tie a tight knot!????!!!! hahahahaha!
buckleberry2: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...so i thought it was funny...but hey....who am i to say what funny is??? heather thought that it was funny too. so there. okay. HA! i shoud probably go to bed now. goodnight and good.......night? haha. (i think i already went over that)!

2002-11-11T20:12:00.000-05:00

Would it be at all possible for someone to tell me why I am so SAAAADDDDD about the marching/football season being over? I just remembered that on Friday, instead of going home and getting ready for the game, I am going to be at school running. and running and running. *sigh* i, for some reason have nothing to look forward to. Oh well. i got some new eyeliner. WHY does it cost so much? it costed me 6 bucks for eyeliner. ugh. stupid covergirl. OH MY GOD. when my dad came home from work today, he was in a really hyper mood. i think he had either acid or marjuana. seriously. he came in the house casing me talking about how smart i am. i really dont get it. i was sooo confuzzled. and he hasnt stopped. he has been doin it for like 2 hours. i find that slightly disturbing though. yeah so....i really didnt talk to anyone i wanted to talk to today. ugh. maybe tomorrow. hey...i reshaped my eyebrows....if anyone reads this tonight, tell me in school tomorrow if you can tell. cuz it took me a while. hm. i got mad again today cuz at dinner my parents were marvelling about how well aaron did in his football season. and like...i was getting sick of it. then aaron was all like...you know...no one wants to be around you when you act like this...so i was like...you know....i really dont wanna be around any of you either. yeah. ha. i really should take a shower or something because i know that if i wait any longer i wont take one tonight and i will wake up in the morning and have to use my parents shower cuz my brother will be in the shower and i will need to use it. then we will be late to school and i will have to run to homeroom. wait...nevermind...that is what i have to do everyday. i run to homeroom every single day. except friday. that was an exception. guess what everyone! i am going to the hair dresser on thursday. i am gonna have to miss track though. so....i think that i will get kicked off the team or something. but anyways...yeah i am going to get my hair straightened and i am going to get it trimmed or something like that. i really cant do anything else with it. i was gonna get it dyed but i cant do that on the same day as i get it straightened. *sigh* the challenges of being black. wow. i think i have some serious narcalepsy. i just fell asleep with my hands on the key board sitting in the chair at my desk. hahaa. now THAT could be a problem. thats odd...when i want to fall asleep (aka this morning when i got back home from "band") i cant, but when i dont (aka right now) i do. i feel the need to brush my teeth right now. so i think i will. thusfore (?) concluding my Blog. *ahem* Goodnight and good....night.

2002-11-11T12:47:00.000-05:00

OK my blog worked. that is soooo exciting. *yawn* it seems that everyone had stuff to do today except for me. I have to go to track tomorrow too. that makes me unhappy. i bet he have a workout. Whoever reads this and is in the band. Pleeeeeaaasseee vote for me when I go out for Asst. Drum major. And tell all your friends to. I really wanna be it. And then the year after that, it could be me and Brian! That would make me sooo happy. I'm thinkin that I should probably put a link to my Diaryland thingy in here. Yeah. So I had this wild dream last night. I was sitting out on the ledge/wall thing outside my house (randomly). It started raining and I asked God for an ark. He said that I have sinned and I should die for it. So He all drowned me. And my family was all alive. And as I was laying in my coffin, my dad didn't even care that I was dead. He said to my brother that the family was better off without me in it. And my mom was crying. I think that it probably was the worst dream that I have had in a while. It does't seem that scary...but when you think about your dad not even caring that you died, it is much more serious. OMG! My mom had a car accident. I had a dream about that too. It wasnt long (I dont think). She ran into a parked suburban at work. My mom is a teacher at an Elementary school. So she ran into the Suburban of Mrs. Callahan. And Mrs. Callahan was in the car sleeping and said that my mom had woke her up. So she came out of the Truck and started to slap my mom. My mom fought back! The fought. That was it. My mom ended up having her eye scratched out and Mrs. Callahan ended up having a chunk of hair ripped out and it was horrible. Cuz her scalp was bleeding. BLECH! Okay I am probably done. Those are the only dreams I had last night. Okay. So the offer is still open to anyone who reads this...feel free to come over my house and hang out with me. :). Later. Oh and just for the records, Green Day and Reel Big Fish are great bands. Um. I still have yet to hear Biocoogana. So if you have a way for me to hear them (*cough cough* brian), please tell me. Thank you. It was appreciated. TIP OF THE DAY: never look down while walking tot he D-Wing.... cuz you will walk yourself into a pillar in front of the cafeteria!

2002-11-11T12:07:00.000-05:00

Hm I guess this is my first blog! WOOt! Thanks Brian :). Yeah so Mr. Sniper decided to wait till AFTER the whole band got to school today, to tell us that the parade was cancelled. So here I am in my room all by my lonesome. If someone reads this and wants to come over...feel free to tell me and I can get my brother to come and pick you up. I really don't know if this is gonna work, so I am gonna make this supershort...k. Let's see, how do I work this?